Izzybombdiggity

I gotta get some stuff on my chest.

I have this girl in my life that I honestly can say I love to death, for the first time I found someone that I think I could spend the rest of my life with. This scares the ever living shit out of me. She has a foul mouth and loves to talk shit, she pushes my limits and is an emotional train wreck. She's a great girl, with a smile that melts hearts and a sense of humor that rivals Dave Chappelle.

You wanna know what scares me??

She hasn't known me long enough to know that sometimes I just say things, mean things. I don't mean them, It's just that I'm fat, ugly and have glasses and all my life people (girls) have tried to hurt me. I learned along time ago, that the nice guy does not get the girl and sometimes you have to be a little mean to get the girl, or should I say get laid. Because of this I have rules, rules to keep myself from getting hurt.

Well, Friday I realized something. I can't be like that to her. She means way more to me than the past girls in my life.

Rules are made to be broken, and she breaks all my rules.

The other day we were arguing, damn that, we weren't even arguing we were just being assholes to each other cause I don't know if yall know this, but Isidra and I both have a wicked tongue. She said something, then I said something, then she said something then I did what I always do....

I hurt her.

Due to my rules, in the past, usually when this happened, I wouldn't care. If the girl started mouthing that's when "Vegas" would come out and I would be more mean to her, and tell my friends things like "I don't give a fuck, I'll die alone before blah blah blah blah.." It was a defense mechanism. It was me guarding myself from being hurt.

Well, if any of you are friends with us on Facebook, you saw the fallout. She posted something, then me, then her, then me.

You wanna know what scared me the most after I posted my last post?? I panicked. Not only did I panic I freaked the fuck out. I realized that I lost her. I realized that I betrayed her trust. She told me things, things that I don't think she's told any other guys she's dated. I believe she told me these things because she really does love me, because she cares about me, and she knows these things don't scare me away.

I made her to believe that I was a great guy. I am a great guy, but I betrayed her. I ruined everything I had accomplished. Through all her emotional issues, her past coming back to haunt her. I battled, I fought, scraped and broke down walls with her. I proved to her that I wasn't going anywhere, that she could feel safe, and secure. She could take my arm in hers and be ok with it.

Now I have to live with my actions, it's not her fault, even though she said somethings that I didn't like, it's not her fault. Underneath her hard exterior, her fast mouth and smart ass attitude she is still a woman. A beautiful woman who has been hurt in the past and has earned the right to be guarded. She did not deserve for me to say what I said. Even though she isn't as affectionate as most, that's who I fell in love with. I have to be the bigger person and allow her to have her opinions and walls.

As of today, we are no longer in a relationship, and I don't know if we ever will be again. Scratch that. We will. She loves me, I know she does. I know that even though I fucked up, in time, I can prove to her that I am better than that. That I will be there, I will support her decisions. I will be "sweet" just like she asked me to be.

My mom told me she was beautiful.

My dad said she was a game changer.

My brother told me she must be a badass if she loves hot wings.

My best friend will bend over backwards for her.

The fam told me to fight for her.

I hope and pray she will break some of her rules for me, like I did for her.

I gotta quote a movie here, and I hope yall know where I'm coming from with this one..

"The juice is definitely worth squeeze"

-Vegas